An interesting list of items that if women understood would make relationships a whole lot easier to handle – from a bigger list:
1. Getting angry at us for not reading your mind is like getting angry at yourself for not being able to fly. It’s not just futile, it’s physically impossible.
2. Yes, we do think Jessica Alba is hot. Sometimes we’re even dumb enough to admit it.
3. You do look good without makeup, just not as good as you look with it.
4. Ever notice how we don’t fight with our male friends? That’s why we get so frustrated when we fight with you.
5. You care what you’re wearing infinitely more than we do. In fact, if you’re naked when you open the front door, you won’t hear an argument from us.
6. You don’t like to get hit on in public, you don’t want to date online and you don’t want to be set up on blind dates. Tell us if sending messenger pigeons is an appropriate way of courting. Because if it is, we’re all over it.
7.There should a statute of limitations on stupid things that we said that can come back to haunt us. I propose 24 hours.
8. We actually like your girly pet-names for us, but please, not in front of the guys!
9. Just because we like looking at the women in Maxim doesn’t mean we want to actually converse with the women in Maxim. Not for long, anyway.
1. Women do know this but use it as a weapon anyway, not because they expect us to be able to read their minds but because they expect us to put more effort into figuring out what they want. There are fewer things women hate more than spelling it out for us. If you’re out in public with her and she’s visibly unhappy you’d better suggest an alternative plan before she has to tell you she’s miserable. She has too much pride to sink that low.
2. The jealousy factor is programmed into all women before birth. Men know this and like to invoke its humor. Ladies, if you ask us if we think Jessica Alba is hot we’re going to say yes even though we know it will bother you. That’s what you get for asking a silly question. We could care less if you told us you were attracted to Brad Pitt, Michael Moore or Saved By the Bell’s Screech Powers. We know you are.
3. There’s a line to be drawn somewhere. True, women shouldn’t be obligated to paint themselves up just to win some male affection, but the absolutist feminist position that says women don’t have to shave their armpits and legs or spend a little time on their looks to satisfy society’s definition of “a beautiful woman” is the reason why so many of them are alone and single.
4. Contrary to popular belief men are in fact the pacifists, not women. We don’t like conflict which is why we don’t let the littlest things work us over for extended periods of time. Sure, if it comes down to it we’ll drop the atom bomb for a quick resolution but we’d much rather have a beer with our former enemies than hold a grudge. Similarly with you, we don’t care as much about whatever is ticking you off because, again, we don’t like to fight. It’s not that we don’t care about you or your feelings. We just aren’t bothered by the issue as much. Before calling us insensitive at least consider the possibility that we may be the rational ones on this.
5. Men in relationships don’t care, save for the metros, about how they look. But single guys will obsess over their appearance. We claim not to fall for commercial advertising, that’s what women do. But if we see a commercial telling us we’ll look sexier in this pair of jeans or saturated in the “deodorant of the month” spray we’ll be the first to shell out our money to compete with the other lions. The Tag and Axe marketers are geniuses.
6. Men will do absolutely anything if a woman will fall for it. We’ll go into any chat room and brazenly ask if any “sexy ladies wanna’ pm with a buff 20 m NY.” And we absolutely love getting hit on in public. Women like classy compliments, not cheesy pickup lines. No rules for us when it comes to compliments no matter how tactless. That’s a victory for us and our friends will never hear the end of it.
7. This is like item #1. Women are programmed a certain way and can’t be reformatted. Guys, if you say something incredibly stupid she will come back and hit you hard after spending a few days dwelling on it, and when you least expect it. If you’re puzzled as to why what you said was so offensive I advise you to re-read item #4.
8. So, so true. We’ll tell you how much we despise your feminine pet names for us, but we absolutely love them. Just adding a “y” to the end of any guy’s first name alone does the trick. You don’t have to get much more creative to spark a connection than that. And if it’s really flattering, please do use it in front of the guys. They all secretly wish they had pet-names too.
9. Men like attractive women. That’s part of our programming. Don’t think of yourself so highly that with you we’ll suddenly be turned off by all other beautiful women. Not going to happen. It’s healthy and we still value you above all others. But honestly, if you did look like Jessica Alba would you be dating us? We see you batting those eyes at Jonathan Taylor Thomas.